Friendly reminder that yesterday when my mom took me to Walmart she left me alone in the toilet paper section and this guy started hitting on me and I said “Sorry, I’m a lesbian.” and he was like “Oh my god I’m so sorry I thought you were a boy.”
80% water 20% pizza and 100% swag
I’m twice the man you’ll ever be
"What if Walter White told stupid chemistry jokes instead of cooking meth?"
WHAT IF HE DID BOTH
JIM AND PAM HAVING TO EXPLAIN TO THEIR KIDS THAT THEY CAN’T GO TO CHILI’S FOR DINNER BECAUSE PAM IS BANNED FOR LIFE
trying to make a situation better and accidentally making it a worse
My uni students asked me if they had homework for the holidays and I felt so bad for them and their tired, dead eyes that I told them to just mail me pics of their favorite pokemons.
Three students sent me digimons I can’t fucking trust them with anything I give up
BRINGING THIS BACK BECAUSE THIS IS LITERALLY THE BEST THING ON THE INTERNET
i began by saying “yo” sarcastically, now it’s how i start half of my sentences